Wednesday, April 8, 2009

With the Yes', Comes More Trusting

On Monday night I got an amazing call, I have been accepted into the college that I really really want to go to (it is also where I feel in my heart that God is calling me to). I hadn't received anything in the mail for them for a while (and I thought that this was pretty weird), so I really wondering what was happening. It turns out it was just mail issues and I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED!! I am so excited!! I have trusted to lead me where I am supposed to go, so now I have to wait and trust in Him even more. I have been accepted but now comes the hard part, money.

I am waiting to hear about scholarships and financial aid right. Waiting and trusting in Him some more...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The End Is Closing In

People told me at the beginning of the year that my senior year would fly by and I'm pretty sure that I believed them, but it just seemed like May was so far off that I could take my time and enjoy the year. Well it is now April and I graduate in less than 2 MONTHES! Right now this is now even exciting, it's down right scary. There is soo much to do before graduation: pick out pictures for slide shows, decide if I'm going to have a party, if so when will it be, decide on announcements... This doesn't even include senior pictures (who will do them, what will I wear, where will they be taken, when will they be taken), finalizing where I be going to school next year, how I'm going to pay for school next year... These lists don't even include all of the things that I'm forgetting. A friend of mine who graduated last year told me "I just can't wait till the first day of college to live again, senior year has just been one BIG checklist." I never appreciated the truthfulness of that statement until now. I am so overwhelemed and there are so many decisions to be made, yet I don't know how to make them or where to start. In less than 2 monthes my entire gradeschool career (and it seems as if my childhood too) will be over and gone forever. This is a very sobering thought for me. So many things that I thought were supposed to happen or would happen one way have done a complete 480 degree turn (yes I do know that a circle is 360 degrees). This post has no organization; my brain has spilled into my fingers pressing these keys and it all probably makes no sense. But there is no way for me to organize my current thoughts. I know where I feel God calling me to, but I don't know how to get there or how to afford it. It feels as if I have blindfold on and it won't come off until all the decisions are made. My heart is having a great difficultly trusting in a blind faith in God right now. I know He will protect me and He guides my future, but my brain needs tangibility, it needs to know answers, concrete answers.

My soul is clinging to the truths that are in this song. Although my life seems stuck on the 1st verse, instead continueing on through with the song my life keeps repeating back to the beginning, but my heart wants to continue on but is just stuck at the beginning...

P.S. If you've actually read all of that, wow! I haven't reread these words to even see if they made sense, if I do it will probably all get deleted!!